Despite all this, some people still ask us, exasperated: Wouldn’t it just be so much easier to share the same religion? ![]() We talk about peace, justice, compassion, generosity and God – referencing religions far beyond our own, across time, distance, and culture. We decorate our Christmas tree and light our menorah. We build sukkahs and release our clay Ganeshas into the ocean. We talk about the Buddha and tell folk religion origin stories. We want them to know the stories that have shaped humankind’s understanding of God throughout history. We want to guide them along their own paths while exposing them to others’ experiences and belief systems. We want to help them become religiously literate citizens, giving them breadth as well. But depth is not the only goal we have for our children. We do this together at home and in churches and other places of worship, near and far. We aim to give them the tools any believer needs to practice their faith, so we pray together, sing songs, meditate, read and reflect on sacred texts. To this point, we want to give our three young sons depth. In sum, if you want to reach water, you don’t dig six one-foot wells, you dig one six-foot well. What about the kids? Our philosophy on this comes from something the Buddha said. In any case, a person who is unable to respect another person’s experiences and opinions, and who constantly over-glorifies his own, doesn’t have a religious problem, but a personality problem. Reconciliation is always possible when both sides have a genuine ability and desire both to understand each other’s experiences and admit where they could be wrong. In the end, those who make it work choose each other over all else. We speak with couples all the time about their struggles, and the pushback they get from family and friends. We are very lucky in that both of our families love and accept us. And having a partner who won’t let you get away with sloppy thinking or a weak explanation of why you believe what you do, forces us to galvanise our thinking. Despite our different religions, we share a common understanding of God, and what belief means in our day-to-day lives. ![]() We are strengthened, inspired, and stimulated by each other’s practices and commitments. So the assumption that two people must share the same religion to really understand each other is flawed.īut does interfaith marriage mean a weakening of each person’s respective faith? In our case, it has been the opposite. Even those who share the same religious affiliation do not necessarily share the same opinions on important issues. Who doesn’t know an Evangelical who differs from their church’s stance on same-sex marriage, or abortion? Who doesn’t know a Catholic who thinks birth control, or divorce, is morally acceptable? Each believer has their own experiences and priorities that influence their unique collection of ideas, beliefs, practices, and all the other parts that make up the sum of what they mean when they say “I’m Christian,” or “I’m Muslim,” or a Sikh, or a Hindu, or a Mormon, or Bahá’í, or anything else. Many believers disagree with the official views of their respective religious leadership. But doctrine should not be confused with faith, or even with religious affiliation. Often when people ask us about the “irreconcilable differences” in our faiths, what they are referring to is conflicting dogmas. Perhaps this is because interfaith couples recognise from the start that they will have to negotiate their religious differences, and so they quickly learn how to carry this skill into other aspects of the relationship. In particular, they are better at communicating effectively and coming to an agreement about important issues. There are studies that show that interfaith couples are better at communicating with one another than same-faith couples. On the other hand, there are some advantages in interfaith relationships. But some problems are unavoidable when two people – of any background – come together. No doubt there are some unique challenges to interfaith relationships. What happens when one person’s religion conflicts with the other’s? Aren’t there irreconcilable differences that come from each of our religious backgrounds? Doesn’t being in an interfaith relationship necessarily weaken our individual religious beliefs? How do we deal with disagreeing friends and family members? And, perhaps most importantly, how do we raise our kids? We often get questions from people who assume there must be major problems – ones unique to interfaith couples. But despite being the new normal in some parts of the world, the idea still makes some people very uncomfortable. Interfaith relationships – as well as the pairing of a secular and a religious partner – are on the rise.
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